The quarantined hope.

 I was trying to give attention to the assignment that was to be done. Though we were given an unexpected vacation, there was no scantiness in workload. We had online lectures through internet and we were given so many assignments. Other than that I had my own work to do. I was a bookworm since my childhood, therefore this was a very good chance for me to cuddle with a good book after a long time as I had been so busy in the university and also i had been writing my first novel. So when the time was not enough to complete my work on time, i gave myself an excuse: in comparison to others, i have an extra work to do, therefore  it's okay, if they can't be done on time. But I knew that I was cheating myself as there was a whole different reason for having no enough time: overthinking, At this moment also, I was stuck in my own world. 

'Sachi, Sachi' I was startled by the voice of my elder sister. 'are you not going to eat today??' 

'Cant eat now, will eat later' I told her, sighing. She said nothing after that. I had even missed the breakfast, but I was not hungry. I did not want to eat. I knew, deep inside my heart, there was something I couldn't understand precisely. It was true, I was disturbed and I knew what the reason. But that reason made me smile, as well as it burned my heart. 

I smiled at myself and stopped trying to do the assignment. I took the novel - a walk to remember- i was reading and the phone along with my head phones and went to the porch. I sat cross legged there on the cushioned chair, watching the beautiful view of the village at a distance. Our house was on a hill and surrounded with lot of trees. Therefore it was so cool here and a breathtaking scene could be seen. Seeing at this beautiful see was like meditating. Keeping book and phone on my lap, I immersed myself back in my thinking line. 

He was the reason that worried me and made me feel happy at the same time. I met him by accident but I never thought that I would ever have to think about him this much. In fact I haven't met him ever but once. On that day, I was travelling by bus and suddenly I saw him pass by. That's all. Nothing happened between us, We never even had an affair, but it was hard for me to forget him. We got to know through my friend, we texted and we had never-ending phone calls. We talked about anything and everything, he was so caring and also loving, he just made me feel like, he was the one for me and I was the one for him though he never told me that he loved me. I was addicted to him. There was not a single day passed without her text or call. But one day, all of a sudden he told me something that I never even expected to hear. 

'Hey, just try to understand, I don't know why you being like this, don't know why you thinking and caring about me this much, but I never had feelings for you. You were just a friend to me. Im sorry to tell you, but I never want to talk about this again' 

And after that, never ending phone calls were ended. Paragraph-long text messages were limited to one or two words and after one day, I never received messages from the person I was addicted to, I was never even given a reply to the texts I sent and calls I made. It was unbearable and I was depressed, I had been sick for a long time but then I get to think that I should stop think about the person who doesn't give a shit about me. But my thinking never stopped. Even now, i was thinking about him. 

Day after tomorrow will be new year festival. Though we cant celebrate the new year festival, when the whole world is undergoing a catastrophe, my sister wanted to make some sweets for me. As my parents were working in Dubai, I was living with my sister, grand mom, grandpa, aunty, uncle and their little baby. Grandpa's birthday was on yesterday. So we baked a little cake and made some cookies. And now again, she was going to prepare something for me. Though quarantine period was so bored, we had more than enough time to do anything we wanted. Not only I studied and read, since last week we started growing vegetables in our garden. We made some sweets. I was able to watch number of movies and I had been watching my sister and aunty sewing cross stitch designs. Playing with my auntie's baby was both annoying and joyful. Though we were not going to celebrate new year, we had a little indoor shramadana campaign and cleaned the  whole house. 

Although I was doing all these things, I couldn't get over his memories. My mind was awaiting for a new year message from him, though deep inside I knew, it was never going to be happened. 

I looked at the phone screen, it was already 6.30 pm. With the book on my lap, I have been thinking for one hour. I searched for his profile without any reason. The last photo was added day before yesterday. There he was petting his little puppy. 'So cute' I thought to myself. I kept my things there and went inside. My sister was preparing the 'Aluwa' 

'Sachi, what's wrong with you?'

'Why, what's wrong with me?'

'You look sick, you are not eating properly, what has happened to you? Is there something you can't tell me?'

'Nothing, I'm just bored, I miss my friends'

'Stop lying Sachi, you are still thinking about that bastard, don't you?' 

'Minuu, It's nothing like that, See, I'm hungry, I want something to eat' 

'Then why don't you eat...'

She was saying something, but I came to the room again and started doing my assignment.

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It was 14th of April then. Every auspicious times were in evening and night. I submitted my assignment around 7 pm and I was happy because I have finished writing half of my novel. I closed the book and smiled at it. It was my dream since I started writing. I named the protagonist for him - Sehan, though I felt it was a bit insane. I sighed and heard my auntie was calling me. 

'Sachi, darling have you finished with your home work?'

'Yesss' I answered with one word. 

'Then can you come and help me?' 

'Coming' I knew what she meant by help: babysitting 

Until the first auspicious time that signaled the dawn of the new year I played with the kid. It was awful because he was very noisy child. We greeted each other, hugging and grandparents blessed us, we wished our parents through video calls and my mom couldn't help crying. When others were hurrying to the next ceremony, I carried the little child and checked my phone with a tiny hope of getting a message from him. There was none. The baby pulled my hair. 'Stop it' I snapped at him and I understood he was going to cry. I gave him a teddy-looking pencil case of mine on the spur of the moment and kept him on the bed. He looked happy to have it. Then I logged on to Facebook quickly and searched for his profile. There was a new photo of a girl and him that was uploaded thirty minutes ago with a short and sweet caption. 

'First new year celebration with her' 

I knew it was time to quarantine my mind.